The Useless Halfling Barbarian Seamstress
The Useless Halfling Barbarian Seamstress
by Sarazann Greenwood
My first experience with Dungeons and Dragons 3rd ed. was the only time I have ever been attacked by a party member. I joined the group a few weeks after everyone had started, the estrogen was low in the game shop. I think that was the big reason for letting me play, seeing the fact I didn't know anything about 3rd ed. However, I am a well versed DM for White Wolf Vampire and 2nd ed. D&D. When I got to the game, I realized they didn't need another character and my portion of the fighting would be well overshadowed by the more powerful characters. I started at first level and they had at least four levels on me. The party was very well rounded, paladin, thief, cleric, the big ork with the battle axe, and a little funny man with all the spells. I decided I would make a character with pure role-playing ability, someone fun and useless.
Yzrie, the buxom halfling barbarian seamstress with an intelligence of 8, was born. She fought with twin scissors (d4 damage, each) and I spent all of my character points in embroidery and dressmaking. I had max hit points and the toughness feat, somewhat like a cockroach. I couldn't hurt you but I'm damn hard to squash. The party decided to take me along in their adventure because I was good comic relief after a long day of killing hill giants.
We found some interesting elfin statues, which my character was convinced were people trapped by some spell. So, she insisted we take them to the nearest town to get them turned back into elves. They agreed because they were master crafted and worth a good gold piece or two. On the way back to town the Paladin sensed some evil in the woods and made everyone go check it out with him. We found a big dark hole in the ground. This is where the problem arose. Yzrie could not handle the fact that if she went down in that hole she wouldn't be able to run away from the impending death that waited for her, so she decided she was going to stay up top and keep the horses company. Fred, the thief with a mighty big crossbow didn't like the idea of splitting up the party, he and Yzrie argued for a time and he finally realized you can't reason with a stupid person. Yzrie was staying put. So while she was cutting the rope for the mage, he jammed his crossbow into the back of her neck and told her to get into the hole or he was going to kill Yzrie on the spot. Yzrie got very angry, as women do, and flipped her long red braids into his face, turned around and cut off his pants (I nailed the die roll). Then ran as fast as she could and hid inside the wagon. Fred flipped out, and decided not to bother with the stupid halfling. He got another pair of pants from his pack and jumped down the hole of doom with everyone else who had been waiting for him.
I spent the rest of the adventure writing tiny notes to the DM, who graciously endured this crazy character. Yzrie made cloaks for the elfin statues because the little elves were cold, started a campfire and by the time everyone was back from the hole of death, there was a roaring fire, hot food and the tents were pitched for a nice long sleep. Yzrie also made Fred a new pair of pants because it’s just not right to ruin good clothes.
by Sarazann Greenwood
My first experience with Dungeons and Dragons 3rd ed. was the only time I have ever been attacked by a party member. I joined the group a few weeks after everyone had started, the estrogen was low in the game shop. I think that was the big reason for letting me play, seeing the fact I didn't know anything about 3rd ed. However, I am a well versed DM for White Wolf Vampire and 2nd ed. D&D. When I got to the game, I realized they didn't need another character and my portion of the fighting would be well overshadowed by the more powerful characters. I started at first level and they had at least four levels on me. The party was very well rounded, paladin, thief, cleric, the big ork with the battle axe, and a little funny man with all the spells. I decided I would make a character with pure role-playing ability, someone fun and useless.
Yzrie, the buxom halfling barbarian seamstress with an intelligence of 8, was born. She fought with twin scissors (d4 damage, each) and I spent all of my character points in embroidery and dressmaking. I had max hit points and the toughness feat, somewhat like a cockroach. I couldn't hurt you but I'm damn hard to squash. The party decided to take me along in their adventure because I was good comic relief after a long day of killing hill giants.
We found some interesting elfin statues, which my character was convinced were people trapped by some spell. So, she insisted we take them to the nearest town to get them turned back into elves. They agreed because they were master crafted and worth a good gold piece or two. On the way back to town the Paladin sensed some evil in the woods and made everyone go check it out with him. We found a big dark hole in the ground. This is where the problem arose. Yzrie could not handle the fact that if she went down in that hole she wouldn't be able to run away from the impending death that waited for her, so she decided she was going to stay up top and keep the horses company. Fred, the thief with a mighty big crossbow didn't like the idea of splitting up the party, he and Yzrie argued for a time and he finally realized you can't reason with a stupid person. Yzrie was staying put. So while she was cutting the rope for the mage, he jammed his crossbow into the back of her neck and told her to get into the hole or he was going to kill Yzrie on the spot. Yzrie got very angry, as women do, and flipped her long red braids into his face, turned around and cut off his pants (I nailed the die roll). Then ran as fast as she could and hid inside the wagon. Fred flipped out, and decided not to bother with the stupid halfling. He got another pair of pants from his pack and jumped down the hole of doom with everyone else who had been waiting for him.
I spent the rest of the adventure writing tiny notes to the DM, who graciously endured this crazy character. Yzrie made cloaks for the elfin statues because the little elves were cold, started a campfire and by the time everyone was back from the hole of death, there was a roaring fire, hot food and the tents were pitched for a nice long sleep. Yzrie also made Fred a new pair of pants because it’s just not right to ruin good clothes.
posted by Sarazann at 8:20 AM
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